mrs rachel

sicky

2012-02-09T13:24:00.000-08:00

Poor little David has a cold and hardly slept at all last night or the night before. Although this was not fun for me, it really paid off when today he took a nap long enough for me to do a 40 minute work out, shower and shave, and do my hair and make up. SO GREAT!!!!

3 months!

2012-01-25T21:15:00.000-08:00

David turned 3 months a few days ago and I thought I'd record some things going on.

He still hates tummy time, but he tolerates it for more time--like, 15 minutes is his record.

He smiles all the time and is constantly "talking" and babbling all this really cute baby talk.

He drools a lot and likes to suck on his fingers and fist.

He rarely spits up (like maybe 3 times in his entire life and it was because I was dancing around the house with him).

He likes the swing Becky S gave to us. He falls asleep in it sometimes which is niiice for me.

I bought turbo jam about two or three weeks ago and I have worked out every day except Sundays and yesterday. I haven't noticed my body looking any better, but I certainly feel better about myself and life.

I bought a few new shirts in EXTRA LARGE from Ross. Sigh. I'm just a few pounds shy of how much I weighed right before I delivered. Yuck.

Nursing is so much better now! David can go 3 hours sometimes without eating during the day and he sleeps sometimes 5-7 hours straight at night. Doctor told us not to let him sleep after 4:30 and then to put him down at 9, 10, or 11 and it has worked!

He'll usually sleep from 9 pm to 3 am, eat, go back to sleep at 3:30 until 7, eat, sleep until 9:30, get up and play with me. He'll usually nap again in the morning and then again in the afternoon. SO nice. He gets really grumpy before bed because he is so tired, but it is so nice to have him sleep so long at night.

I'm really glad I read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Thanks Amanda!!

He is in his 3-6 month clothing.

He loves his bath time, and I have a blast singing and talking to him and making funny faces. He loves to smile really big and giggle at me.

He LOVES getting his diaper changed, for some reason. As soon as we lay him down to do it, he calms down and just enjoys every minute. He pees and poops when we take his diaper off sometimes which is always exciting and makes me grateful for all the little clothes we have for him.

He also loves sitting in his green bouncer chair and playing with the little dangling toys.

He likes watching Turbo Jam while I exercise (sometimes) and usually he'll tolerate a 5 minute shower sitting in his bouncer in the bathroom.

He loves music, especially Eva Cassidy, Prince Ali from Alladin, and most Disney songs.

His upper legs have gotten so chunky and SO cute! His little feet just get me and I love holding them and singing about them and so does he.

He still can't hold his head up for very long, so he doesn't love his bumbo chair yet.

I am loving taking care of him and staying home. It is so nice to be able to take care of the home and make meals and exercise and love on David. I feel so blessed.

Also, since I quite my job, we got Wic (free food for poor pregnant ladies and children) as well as food stamps, about $400 a month!!! Today we used them for the first time and Matt came and it was a total party! We bought sushi and mint malanos and man, we were so excited. Hope I don't gain any more weight.

I have gotten over my fear of taking him places, but it is still hard considering I have to feed him every 2-3 hours.

I make it my life goal to calm him and make sure he is happy and comfortable. I can't believe what a big job it is to keep the home somewhat clean, my two boys fed, the laundry done, and other stuff (I'm trying to think of what keeps me so busy but you'll have to settle with "stuff"). I am busy!!! And so happy. I have been reading To the Rescue, President Monson's biography, and I love it. I'm about half way through and I read it when David is eating. So wonderful. Sigh.

perspective

2012-01-07T13:17:00.001-08:00

Matt's grandma gave us the book, Life Lessons Learned, by Dallin H. Oaks for Christmas which I recently completed and highly recommend. Lately I have been adjusting to my new post baby body and this excerpt touched me especially:

In many different settings I have observed how persons can label or characterize themselves or allow others to label or characterize them in ways that can effectively retard their progress. We should be careful not to label or define ourselves by some temporary quality. The only single quality that should characterize us is that each of us is a son or daughter of God. That fact transcends all other characteristics. Yet there are those among us who choose to define or label themselves by some temporary characteristic, such as occupation, appearance, honors, athletic ability, or fame. When we choose to define ourselves by some characteristic that is temporary or trivial in eternal terms, we de-emphasize what is most important about us and overemphasize what is relatively unimportant. This label can lead us down the wrong path and hinder our eternal progress. for example, a person who defines himself as an underachiever needs to look for--or encourage others to look for--things that interpret his behavior in those terms. That has a very different consequence than if he and others look to his quality of underachieving as simply a temporary tendency that needs to be disciplined in the course of seeking graduation, employment, or eternal life. We should always remember that we are sons or daughters of Heavenly Parents, seeking to qualify for our eternal heirship under that parentage.

babysitters needed for 1 year anniversary

2012-01-03T15:29:00.001-08:00

I was just catching up on my blog reading and decided who am I to not write in my blog just because everything I write sounds lame? So updates on my life...celebrated the big one year anniversary with Matt! I planned the morning and he planned the afternoon just because I love surprises and must have them AND I also like planning surprises. We got a sitter for various activities during the day, including doing sealings at the temple and visiting the The Flour Mill, where Misty took some wedding photos for us on the big day a year ago. We picked up David from his first sitter and fed him and then dropped him off at his second sitter so we could go to dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory. LOVE that place. Nothing like a nursing mother's appetite to really enjoy free bread and ice cream along with the entree. I definitely ate more than Matt (actually, I always do now that I'm breastfeeding). While we were at dinner Matt had his dad and some friends set up my present at our house, which was a magnificent new table and chairs. The old table and chairs I got at goodwill a week before we wed and it was literally falling apart. So it was a fab present for us both! I am grateful for a husband who loves me and for little David who is so cute. I love my boys!

Matt had the whole week free from school and work last week which was a NICE break from his usual 12 hour days. I am grateful for all his hard work and it was awesome having him around so much this past week.

Just took down the Christmas decorations...it took me all day! J/K it took me like 10 minutes because we hardly have any.

Is it weird/crazy that I am already excited to have another little bundle of joy?! Obviously not yet, but...soon...

baby and momma hermit

2011-12-03T09:44:00.000-08:00

Things have changed for me lately. Instead of going to work every day, including attending school meetings, visiting the PCCA in the hospital, doing occasional house visits, I am a stay at home mom! I used to have many clients who described having a difficult time leaving their house. We made goals and sometimes I made offers such as: "maybe you can go to Winco at 2 am when there aren't any people around?" Now I am the one with the hard time leaving my house! Not because I am afraid of people or of the outside world, but because I have a newborn infant, and the times I have taken him out for doctor's appointments and such, he always ends up deciding to be hungry and screaming no matter how much I fed him before we left. Getting him ready and me ready is such a task that it's hardly worth it to leave. The other day I took the garbage out and paid the rent and I felt like I had just finished my dissertation or some huge accomplishment.

Also, this is not me asking for validation, but I must vent. I am still 20 lbs more than before I was pregnant. I was wistfully looking at pictures of myself from last year on my facebook and I wonder if I will ever be that thin again? I hope so, but I kind of doubt it? In the meantime, none of my clothes fit and I'm accepting donations.

David is so so so precious. I know my blog has never been photo heavy because I don't make time to upload pictures. I hope to change that.

News

2011-11-16T16:32:00.000-08:00

I quit my job. I have had many many jobs in my life and thankfully I've never been let go or fired, but it makes for many difficult quittings, which now that I think of it, is much similar to breaking up with someone. In this case, I quit my dream job for the little person who formerly lived in my tummy.

Every time I told people I was going back to work after having David, I felt a twinge...much similar to the feeling of telling a lie. I had child care all set up and all my clients were only temporarily transferred, but I don't think I ever really believed in my heart it would work for me to be away from my baby for 9 hours every day of the week. It just wouldn't work. Now if I were a single parent, things would be different. I would need to work. But as it is, Matt will hopefully finish school with some loans and get an awesome job, we will pay the loans, and live happily ever after.

I will miss my job. I'll miss the work itself as well as my clients. I'll miss my coworkers and supervisors.

But I am so happy to be a mom. So happy to be able to be the one to take care of little David.

I had a baby

2011-10-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

~Just a few days before I delivered~

So last Wednesday I looked at my schedule and realized my doctor's appointment the next day was with Dr. Meline, a name I recognized. I asked Matt what his friend Brother Meline's profession was and Matt said, "I think he's a baby doctor?"

So Thursday before work I went to my doctor's appointment and he told me I was one day away from being 39 weeks along with a due date of October 28th, slightly before my other due date the ultra sound people gave me. I told him I thought he knew my husband and he said he did indeed know him very well (I didn't realize at the time he was actually at our sealing!) He checked me and announced that I was dilated to 3.5 centimeters and the nurse exclaimed "congratulations!" I wasn't really sure what that meant (now I do, don't worry) but then he said I was ready to go and could even be induced tomorrow if I wanted. I thought about how convenient that would be for my work situation a far as catching up, tying up loose ends, etc, and I asked if he was serious. He said yes, he could book me for Saturday if I wanted, or Sunday, or Monday. I said I'd consult my husband and he said, "Ok, call me tomorrow and let me know!" So I did and was scheduled to be induced Saturday at 8 am at Deaconess. I had originally planned to deliver at Sacred Heart, but I wasn't particular, just wanted to have a baby.

So I spent Thursday and Friday in frenzy at work, buttoning everything up for my 2.5 month leave. Thursday I called into supervisor's meeting and was presented with a card and $100 from all the supervisor's at work! They told me to go out on a date with Matt before we had the baby, which I thought was a great idea considering our 1-year anniversary of the day Matt proposed was Saturday. Friday night after work (and everything being 100% caught up) we went to Anthony's, the restaurant we ate at before Matt proposed. Then we took a walk on the bridge over the Spokane Falls where he actually asked me to marry him. Walking around was sort of a task, but worth it for the occasion.

I thought I would be nervous thinking about being induced, but I only felt excitement and joy. That night I kind of woke up at around 2 or 3 feeling some cramping. It felt like menstrual cramps and it was kind of coming and going. Then at 4 I couldn’t sleep anymore, but I still didn’t want to wake up Matt. I could make it to 8 when I was scheduled to be at the hospital. The pain really wasn’t that bad (but it didn’t feel great either). I took a shower and got all ready and laid back down at around 6 am. Our alarm went off at 6:30 and after some final preparations I told Matt about my contractions. He got the car seat ready in the car and put our suitcase in the trunk and we were off! (after I waddled down the stairs and was slowly lowered into the car thanks to Matt.)

We arrived at Deaconess and since I had planned to deliver at Sacred Heart they had to ask me all the same questions I had already answered before for Sacred Heart. I don’t know how it would have been at Sacred Heart, but can I say, I LOVED Deaconess?! NICEST nurses, best doctor, awesome room. It was very soothing…can’t quite pin point why…maybe because the walls were painted taupe?

They hooked me up to this machine to show baby’s heart rate and my contractions. The nurse came in and says, “You’re already having contractions about 4 minutes apart!” The doctor asked us if we wanted Matt to help deliver the baby and we thought that would be cool, so he said he’d have Matt get “scrubbed up” when we got closer. They started me a very low dose of pitosin at around 9:30 and after singing My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music a few times with Matt, I was ready for some drugs for pain (at about 11:30.) Matt and I brought some DVDs but no one could figure out how to use the DVD player so I finally just got irritated and asked them to just let me watch the infomercial that was on that I strangely found very interesting. I was so close to buying this knife set for only 3 low payments of $13.99! Then we watched another infomercial about some kind of other cooking utensil until we finally found a movie station. First we watched the end of Jumanji, and I was reminded why my 3-year-old second cousin Josi is obsessively afraid of tigers. Then the nurse gave me some kind of narcotic “equal to drinking 2 martinis, but don’t worry, there’s no alcohol.” Then I felt goood and took a nap. Goonies came on next; I was in and out of sleep for that one, but I know that movie by heart, so it was mainly just there for comfort. Half an hour later the pain was all back so I asked for an epidural (at this point I was at about a 5). The epidural went smoothly and then came Charlie and Chocolate Factory. I was completely numb at this point, but I started feeling an urge to push. I thought the nurses would know when I was ready to go, but no one was checking on me, so I summoned the nurse who checked me and with raised eyebrows she exclaimed I was at a 10 and was 100% ready to go. She said another lady who wasn’t doing as well as I was was going to deliver at the same time as me, so I would need a different nurse, who she would retrieve right away, as well as my doctor. The new nurse helped Matt “get scrubbed up” which turned out to mean put him in a doctor’s outfit with rubber gloves and not let him touch anything. While we waited for the doctor, some on call doctor came in to see if we needed help. He looked at Matt and goes, “Who are you?” Which is understandable considering Matt was dressed like a doctor and he looks like he’s 15. Finally Doctor Meline showed up at a bit past 4:30 and I started pushing. I felt no pain, just pressure and the urge to push. The nurses all said I was doing great. At 5:07, little David Jay Birch came sliding out and Matt caught him! They immediately cut the cord and put the little crying red faced David on my stomach. He weighed in at 7 pounds, 10 ounces, 20.5 inches long. He didn't cry for long and was very alert and quiet when all our family came that night to meet him. (Since then he has cried, don't worry)

And so begins the chapter of parenthood in me and Matt’s lives.

Since then, I am SO grateful for my mom who completely cleaned our apartment and has done all the cooking, laundry, and shopping this whole week. I haven’t really been able to relax like this since before I got engaged. We actually watch movies now. I realized that if I’m every rich, I’m hiring help. Actually, maybe if I didn’t work full time things would be different. I don’t know. All I know is I really enjoyed watching Blast from the Past, Love Comes Slowly, and Yours, Mine, and Ours.

Matt nicknamed David Batman our first night home with him “because he’s nocturnal!” Since then little Batman has calmed down at night considerably and we’ve been getting much better sleep (even a few hours at a time).

Lastly, I am just so in love with him! I heard about how having a baby is, but again, it’s one of those things you just gotta experience to understand. I wonder what he’ll be like when he’s 2…when he’s 4…14…18…29? For now, he LOVES to eat (kind of a painful necessity for me); he loves being held by his daddy. We had to file his nails because they were LONG and he kept clawing himself. I think he got his daddy’s feet…he hates having his diaper changed. He has this really cute desperate cry where he snorts like a little piglet. He is very cuddly and very strong (he sometimes lifts his head like a seal when you hold him.) Once in a while he smiles.

I love September.

2011-09-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

I have a few pictures to post, but it will have to wait! I hardly have time to give in to my very powerful nesting urges, let alone to blog and post pictures.

My favorite season has always been summer until this year. Pregnancy made me HOT and uncomfortable when it got to be over 70 degrees. Very odd for me--if you know me, you know I generally love hot weather, swimming, and summertime. I am LOVING the fall this year more than I ever have in my entire life. September was beautiful. And it helps that it brought back magical memories of last September when I met Matt and my entire life changed. I love September.

I don't even need to wear a jacket walking to work these days and it's probably around 50 degrees. Perfect weather for me right now, as I am 8 months pregnant! Due on November 1st! That is in one month!

I think I'm up to 159 now, so things are slowing down and I'm not as spry on my feet. I sit on a bouncy ball at work when I do my paperwork. I really need a picture of that. My co-workers love to walk by and laugh at me. I almost have all my clients assigned to temporary clinicians for when I leave. When do I stop working? When my water breaks. And I really hope it happens on a weekend and not in the middle of a session! I will take about 2 months off work and then return after the holidays in the beginning of January. I hate hate HATE the thought of not being able to be a stay at home mom, but me and Matt really feel good about me continuing to work. A nice girl in our ward will baby-sit (we will pay her...not sure how much yet...how much is good??). So that is just the way it needs to be.

I had a baby shower and it was so awesome. I am so grateful for good friends who I LOVE so much. I am so blessed. Thank you for being one of those friends. I even had some friends who live far far away send me baby gifts. I wish I could hug you guys in person!!! I guess I'm thankful for cell phones and blogs and facebook and email that help us be connected. And I don't need gifts, just having you as friends is what I like most.

we must see past...

2011-09-06T15:36:00.000-07:00

Thanks Kim for sharing this post. Now I share it too.
http://bravegirlsclub.com/archives/2151

30 weeks

2011-08-23T16:25:00.001-07:00

I don't want to forget what it was like for me at 30 weeks in my first pregnancy, so I will write this to remind me, and inform you. Sitting is a task. I basically have to sit at least 8 hours a day at work, so I splurged on a chair pad and lumbar support pad thing and switched my office chair at work with a vacant one I found that I like better. It's still hard, but at least I'm not almost crying in pain at the end of the day.

I can't stand for very long. My heels KILL and I start to feel dizzy. Laying on my side is ok, but after too long (such as after trying to sleep all night) my legs ache, from calf to thigh. The doctor doesn't know why. I think it might just be from my tummy cutting off the blood supply to my limbs? Or lack of some kind of nutrient? I still don't take my pre-natals because they make me barf (literally). I take the flintstones chewables.

This baby is moving like MAD! I can see him move, anyone can see him move just by looking at my clothed tummy.

I'm always hungry and thirsty.

Good news: I don't get headaches or heartburn. Matt is off of school so he has been cleaning and organizing--I'm so grateful!!!

More pictures to come...

a day in the life...

2011-08-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

I threw up all over myself this morning and then I didn't have time to take a shower because I was running late to work so I wet a wash cloth and did my best (my hair is the part I was really wanting to wash) and then my client didn't even come. Moral of the story is, I have no idea. I even showered last night so I could save time today, but apparently cookie crisp was not what David wanted to eat this morning.

So that is what I wanted to tell the world wide web. If you were really lucky, you could receive text messages like this all the time from me, but only Matt gets that priveledge.

27 weeks

2011-07-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

The latest--

Little David (so we've named our baby) has been growing and moving around. A fun evening for me and Matt is watching my belly move around. It looks like there's a little gremlin in there, punching and rolling over. No wonder people always say it's like there's an alien in there.

Also, Matt got his first pair of flip flops since he hurt his knees and was on crutches years ago. This is not a picture to document him taking out the trash (though I have only done this chore once since we've been married). Just admire his kicks.

He was really excited about his new flip flops.

And this is me at 27 weeks. Last I checked (about 2 weeks ago) I gained 11 pounds since I started this whole pregnancy thing.

love and service

2011-07-01T16:00:00.000-07:00

I realized something about service and love that I've known, but it has made more sense lately. I read this article in the Ensign the other day called As I Have Loved You, by Barbara Thompson http://lds.org/ensign/2011/07/as-i-have-loved-you?lang=eng (I don't know how to make fancy links, sorry) and I applied it to my job. Those clients who I have struggled to love, I now know that's because I haven't served them enough. My entire job is service, and I realized that sometimes I don't do everything I can to help them (it can be exhausting). But now that I have been mindful and aware of that, it has made a huge difference. And I am sold--service is the way to love people we hate/dislike/don't already love. And when people can tell that you just want to serve them in any way you can, it is a very powerful motivator for change.

Also I have been listening to a Pandora station entitled Sound of Music Soundtrack for the past month and I feel like a living show tune. Kind of odd, but it is strangely soothing?

And I'm going swimming tomorrow and I'm not letting ANYTHING get in the way! The weather will be nice and I really can't wait. Don't expect any pictures of me in my maternity swimming suit. :)

growing!

2011-06-24T18:15:00.000-07:00

This is me at 20 weeks.

Me at 21 weeks.

I went to a friend's wedding/sealing yesterday and a stranger asked me when the baby was due! This is because my belly is exploding, as you can see. Many of my clients (only the ones who have had a baby before, actually) ask if I'm pregnant and it's kind of weird for them to get excited and ask me personal questions--I mean, I'm supposed to know everything about them but they can't know anything about me! I tell them I'm having a boy and it's due November 1st and actually, most of them are so wrapped up in their problems they don't dwell on me much, so that's nice.

And I have been able to feel the baby moving for at least a month now, but yesterday for the first time I noticed that I could SEE the baby's movements just by looking at my belly!!!! I have no idea if he's using his legs, arms, butt, head, but he's definitely in there and energetic!

And Matt is so great--I couldn't have dreamed up a man better for me!

perks

2011-06-09T15:33:00.001-07:00

You know what I'm really grateful for? An ex-boyfriend who hated The Beatles so much that after we broke up, I had to listen to every single one of their songs and fall in love with them. :) They are really great.

and.....

2011-06-01T16:16:00.001-07:00

It's a boy!!!!

18 weeks

2011-06-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

Me at 18 weeks!

Another picture I just found on my camera that Matt left as a surprise. :) Maybe this is what the baby will look like!

Stay tuned...we find out the gender today!!!

4.5 months

2011-05-27T09:18:00.001-07:00

Doctor says I'm 4.5 months along?!! Whaaaa??? I didn't even know I was yet 4 months along, but my due date hasn't changed (still November 1st...but I have a feeling I'll have the baby after that). I've gained almost 5 pounds, so that's fun! And on June 1st we will find out if we're having a girl or a boy. I kiiiind of think we'll have a girl, but I guess we'll find out. Either way, I'm happy! I'm going to try really hard to take a picture of myself tonight to document my growing belly.

Also, So You Think You Can Dance is back and I'm so HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

charity

2011-05-22T14:20:00.000-07:00

"...the Lord God hath given a commandment that all men should have charity, which charity is love. And except they should have charity they were nothing..."

2 Nephi 26:30

challenge

2011-05-20T12:57:00.000-07:00

Since my calling is with the Young Women now, I get to participate in a little thing called "Moroni's Challenge" where we're all reading the Book of Mormon in 80 days. I did it once that fast on my mission, but that was when scripture reading time was blocked into my schedule. Now I really have to make time and I'll admit, I'm about 20 chapters behind, but I will catch up! I love having a challenge, a goal, and accountability. Otherwise I have a hard time accomplishing anything. Which is why I really enjoy book clubs. Speaking of which, anyone know of any I can join...online or whereever? Remember your book club, Ali? That was fun.

Matt has a campout tonight with the scouts and it's the first time we'll be separated for the night since we've been married!

My cousin Becky and her kids who I LOVE are moving in a few weeks because residency time is almost up. I will MISS them!

dinner

2011-05-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

So yesterday Matt and I ended up getting invited over for dinner by a very friendly, very large family from Hong Kong! Luckily they all spoke at least some English and we had a great time exchanging phrases, attempting (and mostly succeeding) in communication. They were so excited to learn that I knew several words in Cantonese, thanks to my mother and Aunt Sue, who both served in the same mission in Hong Kong years ago.

There were about 40-50 people there with plenty of fancy set tables with delicious steaming vegetables, meats, and foods from Hong Kong. The smell was overwhelming (in a good way), but because of all their family there, me and Matt couldn't sit by each other because there weren't two seats next to each other available for us. We were even seated in different rooms. I got to sit by an old man who had served in some kind of war. He seemed depressed, but I was in heaven devouring what seemed to be chicken nuggets. I found some ketchup on a nearby table, thankfully. Found out later it was fried cat! Yum! Tasted like chicken nuggets.

Then Matt and I had to leave a little early because we had another dinner appointment (don't worry, we saved room). We were wandering in the rain trying to remember who invited us over for a second dinner when I woke up, read the Book of Mormon for 40 minutes, showered, and now I'm at work. :)

What's this?

2011-05-16T18:50:00.000-07:00

I am posting twice in one day? Yes. It's because I feel bad about my previous post because I imagine everyone feels sad at some point and what if the day you feel sad you happen to read my post and then feel worse and then hate me and all because I was having a rude moment and decided to write a blog post right then. It wasn't directed at anyone, just me listening to unhappy people all day every day and having a mini fit about it.

Sorry.

I was excited today because one of my clients noticed I was pregnant and had the courage to ask me about it. My first person to notice without me telling them first!!! That's probably a weird thing to be excited about. Oh well.

to you

2011-05-16T14:33:00.001-07:00

To all my single friends, please read The Rules.

To all my unhappy friends, please start helping others and quit thinking about yourself.

To my husband, I love you and appreciate every last thing you do and who you are.

To all my friends and family no matter how happy or unhappy you are...I love you. :)

Bye.

15.5 weeks

2011-05-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

This is how fat I am so far. Pretty awesome!

i love him

2011-04-27T16:57:00.000-07:00

No one makes me laugh like Matt.

He has this fake cry he does when he pretends he is really upset that makes me laugh even when I'm about to throw up from morning sickness. He makes these funny faces and has these weird accents and certain phrases, "I'm stupid" said in an accent I can't describe after he has burned the counter top with a hot pan, or "You go to dinner!" pretending to be hostile and sending me to a family dinner without him.

There's something about Matt pretending to be a hormonal, dramatic, girly, teen that is absolutely hilarious.

I love him.

Also, had another doc appointment today and heard the baby's heartbeat again! It sounded much slower this time...hmmmm. Also, I haven't gained any weight and I'm 13 weeks along...I need to eat more!!! Hopefully I will like food again soon.

hey

2011-04-20T15:00:00.001-07:00

Work is actually slow for once (knock on wood) so here I am blogging to you!

Sunday I was feeling terrible but I was just so determined to do everything I would normally do, which resulted in me sitting on the couch for half of sacrament meeting, then throwing up in the handicapped bathroom. As I came out there was this guy I knew from the single's ward who I haven't seen in a few years who was in town blessing his baby.
Him: "Hey how are you doing, Rachel?"
Me: "I just threw up so I'm going to sit down right over there."
Him: "Oh...um...want me to go get Matt?"
Me: "No, it's normal. Thanks. And...congrats!" (I don't think he heard that last part).

So now he thinks I'm bulimic and telling the world about it. Doesn't matter.

I must say, I am GRATEFUL for a window in my office I can open all the time so when my clients smell like dirty diaper, cigarettes, coffee, onion, garlic, alcohol, rot, mold, underarm, foot, pizza, mint, strong perfume of any kind, unwashed hair, old shirt, dust, I can nonchalantly scoot my chair closer to the window and imagine I am out there in the sky, flying through air that smells of delicious nothingness and crisp cold.

what do you think?

2011-04-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

grateful

2011-04-05T17:40:00.000-07:00

Well, remember how I thought my new medicine was magic? Turns out it is flawed, and sometimes I still throw up while taking it, though it still saves my life and keeps me from being as sick as I was before. Also, it causes...other side effects--I will spare you of the details. Unfun.

But through it all, Matt has taken care of me. It's strange, I haven't had anyone take care of me really since living at home with my mom, oh...11 years ago? Another funny thing Matt has in common with my mom--he wakes me up every morning. I never really set my alarm anymore. I'm kind of grateful I had those 10 years where I had to be independent. I know I can be, but for some reason, my mom and Matt want to help me! The other morning Matt was leaving for school and he woke me up to give me my medicine (a pill I can't swallow whole--if I try I throw up) that he had broken up and put in lemonade. I have no idea how I would be so sick and pregnant on my own. I'm so grateful for the gospel that teaches us to get married, THEN have babies. I'm so grateful for a gospel that teaches us how to be good people so then I end up marrying Matt who is like a prince in shining armor, just such a good person and so wonderful to me. I realize that sometimes people live the gospel and are not blessed immediately this way, but I do know that the Lord always follows through with his promises and that those who keep the commandments faithfully will receive ALL promised blessings.

Basically, yeah, that's what was on my mind.

cupcakes and gold

2011-03-28T17:12:00.000-07:00

Today one of my 8-year-old clients and I were playing in the sand box together and he goes, "I think this sand smells good." It took me a minute to realize he was smelling my hand sanitizer I was wearing from Bath and Body which happens to smell like a blue chiffon cupcake. I let him put some on after our sand box adventure and when we went to greet his mom he goes, "Do you notice anything different about me?!" She finally noticed he smelled good and he just smiled and waved his cupcake hands around--it just made me laugh.

Then I went to get my other client from the waiting room and my client's little brother (I think he's 7) comes up to me with this really excited face and exclaims while pointing at me, "You have gold on your face!!!" I just went with it and thanked him. Checked the mirror. Nothing. His dad goes, "Cool, cash it in!"

cured!

2011-03-25T16:34:00.001-07:00

Look at me, posting right and left! Today was my first ultra sound and turns out I am 8 weeks, 3 days along with a due date of November 1st, the day before my dad's birthday! So it turns out I inherited much from my Bubie (my dad's mom): We both have our first child on or close to November 1st, we both have the same sneeze, we both love dancing, and we both have terrible nausea during pregnancy! Those are just some fun facts for you. I am feeling VERY chipper because I started taking my anti-nausea pills last night (generic brand of Zofran) and I am a new woman! I feel great! No throwing up!!!!! Oh yes, and the baby's heartbeat was 181 beats per minute and me and Matt got to see him/her wiggling around today!

heartbeat

2011-03-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

I went in for my first doctor's appointment today, mainly hoping/expecting to get some medicine to help me from losing my breakfast, lunch, and dinner and feeling like I'm going to die constantly. WELL, my doctor (a very nice lady) put this stethascope type thing on my belly and said, "Usually when you're only this far along we can't hear a heartbeat, but we can still check." After moving it around a bit, we both heard the little baby's heartbeat! It was so amazing! It sounded so strong and quick (160 beats a minute). Just hearing that heartbeat makes all the suffering worth it. Tomorrow is my first ultra sound. I'm 9 weeks along, I'm due October 28th, and I got a prescription to help me stop throwing up.

I love you, a bushel and a peck.

2011-03-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

Doris Day was such a rockstar! I love her!

news

2011-03-14T09:11:00.000-07:00

Guys. I am sick. So sick. But don't worry, I'm still me and I'm still going to work and such. Matt is my favorite. He takes care of me and I'm so grateful.

Also, my dad was called as stake president in his stake yesterday. Wow, THAT was unexpected! I sure wanted to be there, but alas, I live too far to go.

well here you go

2011-03-09T09:38:00.001-08:00

I try to keep secrets but it's nearly impossible with my friends at work asking me over and over if I have a secret and why I've been so sick lately and then when I lie they don't believe me. You really have to lose some dignity to keep lying after you've been caught in your lie. And then other friends and Matt's mom and my mom asked kept asking if I was pregnant repeatedly too. And me and Matt lied and lied and lied because aren't you supposed to keep it a secret at first? If I miscarry I will really have wished I hadn't told, and coming from a family where my mom miscarried 7 times (most of which were times I remember), I just assumed I shouldn't tell.

But now it's out of the bag and I have the worst cold of my life--couple that with morning sickness and I pretty much want to die...and at the same time I'm afraid I'm going to die, but it can't be that bad because here I am, typing away.

But the story is, a few months ago I bought a pregnancy test at the Dollar Tree, several weeks later had a hunch that I should use it. It came up positive, so I think I'm about a month pregnant, presumably due in about 8 months. Haven't been to the doctor yet, but maybe I should after Matt gets home with the thermometer I asked him to pick up. I have a feeling I'm up to 105, which is not good because isn't that one of the correlating causes of problems with babies? Moms who get sick during pregnancy? Especially during the first tri-mester? I know one of the correlating causes of skitzophrenia is from pregnant sickies. Great, at least I'm receiving lots of training.

respite

2011-03-02T15:57:00.000-08:00

Did you know there are Respite services available for kids who do things like kick in $1500 TV sets, hurt animals and people, rip up important documents, swear in parents/authority figure's faces, and threaten suicide? They can go to different foster homes for a few hours or a few days to calm down (and destroy someone else's house). Yep, pretty cool.

Money money money by the pound!

2011-02-20T16:17:00.000-08:00

I know I need to write something because it has been too long. I am reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and I LOVE it! Guess who is not going to be poor? Me. Guess who will have enough money to live and share when she's old? Me. And Matt. He will be rich too.

So...it might behoove you to be nice to us. :)

newly wed fun

2011-01-25T16:11:00.000-08:00

Now that I'm not spending endless hours socializing (which I enjoyed, still do enjoy), I have time for important things, like making German pancakes and thinking about making pie.

Me and Matt have the best time together. We're learning about each other--he's learning that I hate the smell of onions (he ate the coyboy burger at Applebees and ended up with BAD onion breath. We googled how to get rid of it, resulting in him eating half a bunch of cilatro, parsley, a whole lime, a hunk of colby jack cheese, flossing, brushing, mouthwashing...it still took 24 hours before the smell went away).

Matt does the BEST impression of Galem I've EVER heard, which greatly helps me to get out of bed in the morning when I'm scared out of my wits because I hear Smeagle right in my ear. It makes me laugh out loud whenever I think about it.

Pretty much, life is awesome.

wedding photos

2011-01-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

Due to popular request...here a few so far of the wedding...more to come. The engagements were amazing, too...maybe I should post some of them? These were done by mistyalger.com--she is amazing.

Married!

2011-01-03T12:01:00.000-08:00

Pretty much, the day was perfect. The Honeymoon, also a dream come true (I think we're still on our Honeymoon even though I'm at work and he's at school?). I was sealed in temple forever to Matt, my favorite person in the entire world. I think I can say I have never been happier, and I feel like it can only get better. Details to follow.

For those of you who I don't see often, just remember...

There is a side of friendship that develops better and stronger by correspondence than contact...The absence of the flesh in writing perhaps brings souls nearer.

Emily Carr

Merry Christmas

2010-12-22T12:20:00.000-08:00

I LOVE this song, especially this version, sung by dear Judy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5g4lY8Y3eoo

And, this next song is what Christmas means to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2AVrBXIAPE

I am happy.

2010-12-15T12:42:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Emily and Dawn for the beautiful gifts I got in the mail yesterday!!! Wow I am BLESSED!!!

What have I been up to?

Thinking about packing my stuff so I can move after work on Friday night.

Writing hundreds of thank you notes.

Working.

Playing Scrabble. You know, the usual.

Watching How I Met Your Mother.

Modeling my wedding dress. It's finally done and it's AMAZING and PERFECT and I LOVE it!!

Loving Matt so much it feels like my heart is a balloon filled with helium and chocolate and it's about to explode...so watch out! :)

do you realize?

2010-12-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

My Grandpa died on December 7th.
 

John K. Putt, beloved husband, father, grandfather, and great-
grandfather, passed away at age 84. He was born on September 8,
1926 to James Henry Spears Putt and Ida Christine Krick in
Robesonia, Pennsylvania. John passed away with his family at his
side on December 7, 2010 in Vernal, Utah. After completing his
schooling at the Wyomissing Polytech Institute, where he learned
to operate a milling machine, tool and dye maker, and turret lathe,
John entered the navy in 1943, during World War II. He served in
Virginia, Rhode Island, and Connecticut. Upon his return from the
navy he graduated from East Stroudsburg College in Chemistry,
Physics, and Math.
John met Clara Hoffman on July 4, 1952. He fell in love
with her at first sight. The fireworks began from that day. John
proposed a few months later on Clara’s birthday. They were
married in Williamstown, Pennsylvania on January 10, 1953.
Together, they raised their seven children in West Lawn,
Pennsylvania.
John worked for Firestone, Tire, and Rubber Co. for 28 years
in Pottstown, Pennsylvania as a laboratory supervisor for
Firestone’s quality control. He also worked at Meeco and B, G &
G before he retired.
John and Clara became members of the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints on July 30, 1955. They and their family
were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on April 5, 1966. John served
in many positions such as: Bishopric (10 years) and other

leadership positions. Most recently he happily served for 15 years
as Ashley Stake Extraction Director.
John is survived by his wife, Clara, and their seven children,
Jane (Jay) Kessler, Joyce (David M.) Karren, Susan (Kraig)
Adams, Marcia Putt, Carol (Brian) Raymond, John Putt (Jennette),
and Donald Putt (Wendy), sixteen grandsons, five granddaughters,
four great-granddaughters, and one great-grandson. He is also
survived by his brother, James Putt, and his sister, Elisabeth
Webber of Reading, Pennsylvania.
John’s friends and family will miss his fun sense of humor,
his caring visits, and his thoughtful acts of service. He was dearly
loved and will be greatly missed by all who knew and loved him.
Funeral services will be held at the Ashley Stake Center (next to
the Vernal Temple- 475 West 100 South) on Saturday, December
11, 2010 at 11:00 a.m. Interment with military honors will be held
at the Vernal City Cemetery under the direction of Vernal
Mortuary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zYOKFjpm9s

you are what you eat

2010-12-08T13:54:00.000-08:00

After about 4 days of only eating Life cereal, corn dogs, taquitos, and pizza, I am REALLY enjoying the salad I'm eating right now with lean chicken, dark greens, walnuts, craysons, feta, strawberries, and strawberry poppy seed dressing.

Grateful

2010-11-29T15:54:00.000-08:00

I know it's a little late, but I'm usually late, so it's good I'm being myself. This is my 2010 Thanksgiving grateful list:

I'm grateful for Matt. He makes the snow feel like glitter on the beach.
I'm grateful to sing. I had a dream the other night I was singing in church and I sounded really good so I'm going to hold on to that.
So grateful for Collegiate Singers and our time together singing.
I'm grateful for the river and for the trips I've been white water rafting. Those trips were magical and now they are marvelous memories.
I'm grateful for true friends who have spent time talking with me. It has made me who I am. I love my friends. (This means you.)
I'm grateful for my mission and for all Heavenly Father taught me and continues to teach me every day through His Spirit.
I'm grateful for a job that I love even though the heat hasn't worked for the past 2 weeks and right now it smells like gasoline and I think I'm high or about to die.
I'm grateful for those of you who write blogs that entertain me, like Russanne, Ali, Jana, Beki and Dal, James, Bec.
I'm grateful I love my engagement pictures.
I'm grateful for Matt--I get to be with him forever.
This makes me grateful for the Gospel and that through Jesus Christ, me and Matt can be together even after death.
I'm grateful for Juliet and Amy who I miss.
I'm thankful for Jana.
I'm grateful for Mindy.
I'm grateful for the fabulous roommates I've had.
I'm grateful for books. I've read a lot of them. Entering different worlds is so much fun and I feel like the good books I've read are dear friends.
I'm grateful for my cell phone. I like texting. Not too much, but it's cool.
I'm grateful for facebook.
I'm SO grateful for the typing class I took in 8th grade (on a real type writer).
I'm grateful for the mint lip gloss from Bath and Body.
I'm grateful for friends with talent like Mercedes and Russanne who help me with hair and decorating.
I'm grateful for dance.
I'm grateful for music, especially Mon Cheri who will be playing at my wedding reception.
I'm grateful for my parents. They are good parents. They are getting me and Matt a bed!
I'm grateful for Ben, my brother. On Sunday I thought he died in a car accident (he didn't even get in an accident) and I spent the entire time at church trying not to cry just thinking about it, but a few tears slid out anyway.
Grateful for my fabulous family and extended family who threw me my first bridal shower.
Grateful for Megan and Mercedes for doing my second bridal shower!
Grateful for Ashley for digging my car out of the snow. I have no idea why she was so nice to do that for me, but boy was I grateful this morning.
I'm grateful for Matt. I really really really love him.

more torture...and blessings

2010-11-25T00:26:00.000-08:00

Just for you Darci (and Kasie), I continued to wax my legs. Unfortunately there weren't enough strips in the package to get both my legs, *sigh*, but I braved the pain and it truly wasn't so bad.

Also, wedding plans are coming along...I wish I could just hire someone to decorate and take care of the details, but oh well. It will work out.

AND, I found someone to take my housing contract!!! I was super worried about that. Heavenly Father is constantly answering my prayers. One thing I'm sure of, every good thing we do, we are blessed for. Eventually. In some way.

torture

2010-11-20T08:57:00.000-08:00

Did you know waxing your legs REALLY hurts? I did one patch last night and I was done forever. OW!

Love

2010-11-16T11:51:00.000-08:00

Thanks so much for the advice everyone! It has really helped!!!

Also…when I was working at New Haven as an English teacher, one of the therapists (Dustin) did a group I attended and he asked everyone what we thought was the opposite of love. Someone said hate. One said envy. Another greed. Someone smart even said apathy (I thought that one for a long time). But as far as I recall, the question was never answered, so over the years, I concluded it must be selfishness. But then I had to know what Dustin thought was the opposite of love, because I really felt like that guy knew something. So luckily he was/is my facebook friend, so about 2 months ago I wrote him a message and asked him what the opposite of love really was. You know what he said?

Fear.

And he reminded me of 1 John 4:18 which reads, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.” And you know what? I really think that’s true.

Heavenly Father has had a hand in my life all along and I hope I always remember that.

help please

2010-11-07T00:28:00.000-07:00

Ha ha ha *nervous laughter*...so remember my previous post (maybe you don't because for all I know, no one read it since there were no comments)? Well, pride cometh before the fall, and I am freaking out about planning a wedding! So...if you're out there, please help. At least offer a prayer for me. I just don't know what to do. Do I just walk into a flower shop and make my intentions known?? Do I go to Ross and buy things to decorate with? The dollar store? I want to hang lights and cool things...I want to make an awesome playlist for the night. I want the night to go like clock work and be amazing. How do I get from A to B to C? I have no idea.

the final say

2010-11-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

You know what I really like? Planning a wedding. I particularly like how I get the final say. I ask people questions and get my answers (I sound like The Little Mermaid) and then I get to decide how things will go. It is beautiful. It's so rare that I get to plan something just the way I want it without anyone taking over. I actually realized through planning it that I have taken the "I don't care" motto throughout my life in so many aspects because I feel like I always have to work with people who love to take over. For once, no one is taking over because they are smart enough to realize that the one who will wear the white wedding gown is me, little Rachel. But I also welcome advice (I NEED help), and I will probably use your ideas (whoever you are who will give advice) in conjunction with many other ideas.

And guys, I really love Matt. WHAT A BLESSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Check out my facebook to see a sneak peak of engagement photos.

Engaged.

2010-10-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

I'm engaged. To be MARRIED! To the most awesome man in the world, Matt. All the worries and fears of not finding HIM fell off the tree into the deepest lake never to be seen again. I know it sounds crazy, meeting him for the first time on September 11th after he had been home from his mission 3 days, and being engaged by October 22nd. Call me crazy, or call me the smartest, luckiest, happiest girl you ever met. You pick. I know what I am and it is THE BOMB. I feel like I can't get close enough to him and like I can't wait to see him and like I want to sing to the top of my lungs and dance until I pass out and dress up and wear lipstick just so he can kiss it off and never let go of his big, wonderful, manly hands. Did I mention I'm totally and completely and helplessly smitten? Not only am I in love, but I feel like I'm doing the most sensible thing I've ever done. So now it all makes sense...why nothing ever worked out before. Because it NEVER would have been as good as this. EVER.

the worst thing ever...

2010-10-14T10:07:00.000-07:00

My cute little 9-year-old client today, after being asked what he thought was the worst problem someone could have, replied, "Having ice cream spill all over you." Touche!

Guys, Matt is so great. He really is.

I hate voice mail.

2010-10-13T12:32:00.000-07:00

There is nothing quite like the red blinking light on my office phone that is ALWAYS blinking. I will press it and listen to my voice mail about my 10-year-old client who consistently poops his pants because he has a phobia of toilet seats. Then I hang up and expect the red blinkiness to stop, but it doesn't, because someone called while I was listening to that voice mail and left another one about how their water/power was shut off because they didn't pay the bill and I keep forgetting to make a CPS report on them because the client from that family recently told me about how his dad beats him up every day. And don't forget my other client who calls me about 4 times a day within one hour and when I call her back after my session, screams at me to be more available to her when she is in crisis (which is constantly). And don't forget about the other 47 clients I am expected to take of with difficult issues. Then my boss wants me to redo this and redo that and by the time everything is said and done (which is NEVER) I would need to stay at work until 10 pm every night to finish it all. Which is why I am logically writing the post, because of course I have time to do it.

And, Matt is amazing and I love him in every cheesy, cliche way possible. And much much more. :)

In love.

2010-09-30T14:55:00.000-07:00

Oh blog. I have neglected you because I was too busy with my man. That's right. I got a man. And he is good. REAL good. His name is Matt and I spend all my free time with him so I don't have time to write in this like I used to.

My roommates and I are moving tomorrow to a new house because our landlord kicked us out so he could move in. The new house rocks.

And I'm reading Hunger Games and it is SO GOOD I can't wait to read the whole trilogy!!!!!!!!!!

If you think of me, imagine me smiling REALLY BIG all the time and humming love songs from every decade.

Love and kisses,
Rachel

Lucky

2010-09-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

I did something today that I've never done before. I hummed "Lucky" by Jason M and Colbie K all the way to work. Yes I did.

More details to follow. :)

plan of happiness

2010-09-18T09:17:00.000-07:00

It's interesting how Heavenly Father prepares us. A few days ago I was walking the trek out to my car after work (it takes me about 10 minutes) and I had this thought. "I haven't really had many experiences with people I know dying." Then I thought about how I would take that when it came, much, much later as I grew old and gray.

The next morning I found out one of our local church leaders, our ward clerk, Brother Mark Shelby, passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack. We had a ward BBQ at his house just last Friday and he and I chatted in Portuguese, as we both served missions in Brasil. He walked us to the door when we left and called out "Boa noite!" into the night air.

He was a very kind man and I think it must have just been his time to go so Heavenly Father snatched him up.

I am grateful to know what happens when we die. I am happy to think of our loving Heavenly Father who allows us to live this blink of existence with some of our greatest friends and then prepares a place for all of His children for the eternities to come.

www.mormon.org

what i read

2010-09-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

I just finished This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper. Don't read it if you don't like swearing or some serious sketchiness. I don't like that either, but I read it anyway, and it was a book of grieving and healing all tied up in a nice little fictitious package with brown paper and string.

Some of my favorite quotes:

"You never know when it will be the last time you'll ever see your father, or kiss your wife, or play with your little brother, but there's always a last time. If you could remember every last time, you'd never stop grieving."

"You can sit up here, feeling above it all while knowing you're not, coming to the lonely conclusion that the only thing you can ever really know about anyone is that you don't know anything about them at all."

"That's the thing about life; everything feels so permanent, but you can disappear in an instant."

"Have a plan," I say.
"Do you?"
"Whatever the opposite of a plan is, that's what I've got."
"Can I offer you a piece of unsolicited advice?"
"Sure."
Tracy turns to face me. "You got married right out of college. You're terrified of being alone. Anything you do now will be motivated by that fear. You have to stop worrying about finding love again. It will come when it comes. Get comfortable with being alone. It will empower you."
"empower me to do what?"
"To be the father you want to be, the man you want to be. And then you'll be ready to make a plan."

"'Thanks for understanding, Judd,' she says, and she must be joking, because I would travel to the ends of the earth, kill or die, just to find one single thing that I could understand."

I get to wake up every morning, at 5 am, and make some soup! It's the best. I love it.

2010-09-07T22:31:00.000-07:00

Good or bad idea to blog when I just took Hydrocodone?
I had my final root canal session today and I promise promise promise I will always floss every night and go to the dentist every 6 months from now on.
Last night my friend N. played the piano and I got to sing Eva Cassidy and much more. It was bliss. He told me he was attracted to me after all and that I had beautiful white teeth and that he couldn't stop looking into my eyes. So all is forgiven, I guess. But that doesn't mean we are anything but friends. At all.
I feel like something in my life is about to change...or maybe I just want something to change.
I also think I need a hug.
I get to sleep in a bed by myself, all my life. It is fantastic.
Good night.

crown of love

2010-09-01T14:12:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5ZenaNpN4g
They say it fades if you let it,
love was made to forget it.
I carved your name across my eyelids,
you pray for rain I pray for blindness.

If you still want me, please forgive me,
the crown of love is fallen from me.
If you still want me, please forgive me,
because the spark is not within me.

I snuffed it out before my mom walked in my bedroom.

The only thing that you keep changin'
is your name, my love keeps growin'
still the same, just like a cancer,
and you won't give me a straight answer!

If you still want me, please forgive me,
the crown of love has fallen from me.
If you still want me please forgive me
because your hands are not upon me.

I shrugged them off before my mom walked in my bedroom.

The pains of love, and they keep growin',
in my heart there's flowers growin'
on the grave of our old love,
since you gave me a straight answer.

If you still want me, please forgive me,
the crown of love is not upon me
If you still want me, please forgive me,
'cause the spark is not within me.
it's not within me, it's not within me.

You gotta be the one,
you gotta be the way,
your name is the only word that I can say

You gotta be the one,
you gotta be the way,
your name is the only word , the only word that I can say!

Only one that I can say!

Not that hot

2010-08-31T11:42:00.000-07:00

I have a million things to do at work and I know I need to blog because I just can't quiet my mind. Last night I went on a date that I had been looking forward to...and we were just asking each other questions, enjoying the rose garden and the stars at Manito Park. I asked him if he could think of a time when he had ever lied to me, half expecting him to think really hard and then say no, that he couldn't think of a single time. But instead, with no hesitation, he said, yes, he had lied to me. After some wriggling and writhing and an internal struggle, I got him to fess up to his lie. He said, "Well, I made you think I was attracted to you [and for the record, he went overboard with making me think he was attracted to me], but I'm actually not. I think you have a good body...but I just am not attracted to you." Well, ok. I do appreciate the eventual honesty.

Then this morning on my walk to work, a cop on a motorcycle stopped me in my trot a bit before 8 am to yell at me for walking at a cross walk when it said don't walk. He threatened to get my ID and write me an $80 ticket, but luckily didn't.

I hate getting in trouble. And I hate going on lots of dates with boys who are completely safados.

Have a great day.

Arcade Fire...

2010-08-19T17:23:00.000-07:00

So today I was missing Arcade Fire because I used to listen to it in my car, but now that my adapter is stolen, I either listen to the radio which I HATE with a MAD BURNING PASSION or I just pray, which is probably good.

But anyway, the point of this blog is that I created a new station on Pandora called Arcade Fire and it is A-MAZE-ING and I am happy now. The pandora people somehow knew all the songs and artists I really love. So there's my testimonial.

got my sunnies back!

2010-08-11T14:46:00.000-07:00

I had a lot of client cancelations today so here I am writing two blog posts in one day!!! Some thoughts I'm having...I think I'm going to start finding some of my favorite jr. high/high school journal entries and putting them on here...eez for fun.

And I got my pink sunglasses back that I thought were stolen! Some "tweeked out" guy rang our door bell last night and my roommate answered it to find my sunglasses in his hand! He said he was "doing a good deed" by giving it to us because he saw it in the street and "almost ran it over." Sounded suspicious to us. I made a police report, so if I end up raped and dead, you have a good indication of who did it and what happened.

Also, the finale for So You Think You Can Dance is on tonight and I CAN'T WAIT! I really hope Kent wins...I think he will.

soul mates

2010-08-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

So just to clarify, I do not believe in soul mates, or a one and only, but I plan on marrying just one person and staying with them forever, so whoever I pick will become my soul mate. I believe in love. Now I just need to find it. The real thing.

I promise my blogs will get more interesting.

breaking up

2010-08-10T16:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I broke up with him. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't that hard either.

On a lighter note, I think I experienced finding my soul mate for the first time! There are some barriers, however, and I'm not sure it will work out, but I'm grateful for the experience of feeling like I found the one. Updates to follow.

I sound ridiculous. I own that.

AND someone broke into my car last night and took my new pink sunglasses and my Ipod charger and adapter...AGAIN! ARGH! At least my Ipod wasn't in there.

figuring it out

2010-08-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

I wish I could be candid and tell you the whole story, undiluted, straight up. But alas, who knows who will read this, so I cannot. I will say a few things, though. I hate making big decisions. Some things in life just matter too much for me to feel like I know what I'm doing when it comes to actually picking something and sticking with it.

It seems all of my friends who get married report to me that it didn't turn out the way they expected. It seems that when the primitive, dreamy, romantic fluff fades away, all that is left is commitment--to God, to His Gospel, and to each other. So that tells me I better find a guy who is VERY committed to God because the last thing in the world I would ever want is to get cheated on or have a spouse addicted to porn, etc.

I know my trials will come, and heck, being Mormon and single AND female as a 28-year-old is kiiiind of a trial, right? So I'm rambling here, but what I'm trying to figure out is, what do I do? Break up or stay together? You probably don't know the situation so I guess you can't tell me either way. I'll figure it out.

10 thoughts

2010-07-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this for Russ so she has something to read. I have a few things to say. One, I am dating a guy who doesn't like to read so he will probably never read this, so I can say whatever I want. Two, I am so busy it is really stressing me out. Three, my family was just in town and it was awesome, but it almost killed me. Four, I never have time to write in my journal anymore and it's sad. Five, Do I really want to be dating someone who doesn't like to read? Don't answer that. Six, someone told me they received spam from my personal email. THAT is disturbing. Have any of you received spam from me? SORRY. I hate hackers. Seven, I am having a dance party Saturday but the guy I'm dating doesn't like dancing. Problematic. Maybe. Maybe not? Eight, my birthday is coming up and I'll be 28! Nine, I am almost done taking my meds to get over strep throat. Ten, my boyfriend told me he felt neglected by me. Less than 24 hours later, my mom told me the same thing. Am I a neglecter?!! Don't answer that. Actually, go ahead and answer it.

for listening, not watching

2010-07-23T13:44:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpvCN-5yfAU

you say goodbye, i say hello

2010-07-20T22:32:00.000-07:00

My good friend of two years and my close roommate of one year passed away one week ago. Brooke Porter. She was born with cystic fibrosis and was waiting on a double lung transplant but it just never worked out. The day before she suddenly left for the hospital we sat on her bed and cried together as she expressed her gratitude for her knowledge of the gospel in her time of pain with her illness. "It is what it is," she said. We both truly didn't expect it would be the last time we would talk in person.

I was a girl's camp leader for the 13-year-olds (21 of them) along with three other leaders, one of which was one of Brooke's best friends. We found out she passed away our second day of camp.

I miss her. And I wish I had slayed the mouse for her! I love her. It is so reassuring to know we will all meet again.

Also, right now I have a sore throat.

And I got a boyfriend. It seems he fell out of the sky. But he is so good to me and it is NICE. More details to come.

rude awakening

2010-07-01T17:14:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago, at approximately 4:52, I was awakened from my slumber quite abruptly as something wet hit the side of my face. I lifted my hand to touch it, and it crawled/rolled away to the bed. It was cold, wet, and feisty! I bolted up in my bed and stared at the creature, now motionless next to my pillow. I wasn't wearing my glasses, so all I could see was something red and small...wait, RED? Was it bloody?? Could it be a dead rat?! Why wasn't it moving? A baby mouse? Dead? I started to panic. Did it have to land on my head? Did it have to be on my bed? I just got new micro-fiber sheets! Ugh! Luckily Kasie was asleep in the bed right next to me. "Kasie...Kasie...Kasie?!"
"Yeah?" She responded! Thank goodness.
"Something fell on my head and now it's on my bed and I'm not wearing my glasses and I don't know what it is!"
Kasie got out of bed, stood by my bed, leaned over to look, then picked up my bottle of scented oil from my bed and handed it to me. I have included a picture of what I believed to be a dead, bloody mouse.

Luckily Kasie is chill and has a great sense of humor, so when I apologized, she just told me not to worry about it and that she would have reacted the same way in my place. All she asked was that I would do the same for her. Done and done!

The Help

2010-06-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

I just finished The Help by Kathryn Stockett and it was GOOD. So good. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"Truth. It feels cool, like water washing over my sticky-hot body. Cooling a heat that's been burning me up all my life."

"All I'm saying is, kindness don't have no boundaries."

"Ugly live up on the inside. Ugly be a hurtful, mean person."

"Wasn't that the point of the book? For women to realize, we are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I'd thought."

"No one tells us, girls who don't go on dates, that remembering can be almost as good as what actually happens."

"...out of the blue, he kissed me. Right in the middle of the Robert E. Lee Hotel Restaurant, he kissed me so slowly with an open mouth and every single thing in my body-my skin, my collarbone, the hollow backs of my knees, everything inside of me filled up with light."

This book resonated with me. It captured the following feelings (amongst many others I won't list):

love for a mother who is absolutely crazy

aching love for a boyfriend who you end up losing

love for a special friend who teaches you how to live and then never hearing from them again

fretting about losing all your friends and then realizing the people you thought were your friends really aren't at all.

longing to live your dream, figuring out what your dream really is, and wondering if you'll ever be enough

working so hard you think you'll die, and then you don't--and you actually accomplish something

math = fail

2010-06-22T16:46:00.001-07:00

When I was in 10th grade, I failed a semester of math. Probability and Statistics, to be exact. I forgot my teacher's name, but he was bald, stoic, and I was too afraid to ask him any questions. So I just silently failed. I did horrible in all my other math classes during my pre-college days, but that was the only one in which I ever actually got an F. Then when I went to BYU-Idaho, I learned that we were required to take Math 109 which was basically college algebra. I marched to the tutoring center and signed up for a tutor. Her name was Tania, Tanisha, Tanika, one of those, I can't remember--she was about 5'2, blond, 100 lbs, dainty facial features, though I never saw her smile. I was 18 and it was the summer of 2001, the end of my freshman year of college. I met with her an hour a day, starting our first session off with a request for her to "just look me in the eye and talk to me like I'm a baby and maybe I'll get it." She didn't really do that, but she did patiently teach me, and helped me practice, practice, practice.

I'll never forget how amazing it felt to actually understand what was going on and then how doubly amazing it felt to get an A on the first test. I think I ended up with a B in the class. And whenever I saw that tutor of mine around campus, I waved wildly and my heart swelled up with thanks for her. She didn't even seem phased by it, though, and she would wave, and keep walking. Wherever she is (probably married with 4 children by now) I am grateful for her--she taught me that anything is possible with time and work.

I thought of that because today at work as I was counseling, I saw a light go off in one of my client's heads--she really got it, and I realized that in a way, I was a tutor, and that made me smile thinking of Tania, Tanisha, Tanika, whatever her name was, who taught me so much, not for her own gain, but for mine.

Side note--I get TONS of spam comments on all of my posts. Why does this happen? Does it happen to anyone else? Is the only way to get rid of it to go private?

good thing I like a challenge

2010-06-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

I just got transferred a new client today (40 something year-old guy) and on the transfer notes, he stated, "if my new counselor wants any information out of me they'll have to dig it out of me." Sounds like fun.

I graditated

2010-06-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

Having no expectations makes me happy most of the time. I never read the back flap of books before I read them. I take recommendations from friends I trust instead. I AVOID watching movie previews because it gives away the whole story! If someone starts telling me ANYTHING about a movie or book, I literally ask them to stop. I love not knowing. It makes happy endings so satisfying and sad endings more acceptable to me.

I graduated with my Masters in Social Work today. I never would have imagined how good it would feel to be sitting with some of my greatest friends, hearing my name read on a microphone, walking to be hooded, receiving my diploma, and getting my picture taken. These past two years have been a lot of work--and it was a gift. And now it's done.

AND I found one of the greatest treasures EVER!! Ohhhh I'm in LOVE! Check out this blog: http://www.seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com/ or just click on "Hilarious" on my friend blog list to your right. It is one of the best satires I've ever read--maybe it's just extra special to me because I lived in the Utah/Idaho Mormon bubble for so long?

more romantic than a civil wedding

2010-06-05T23:50:00.000-07:00

I stand firm in my belief that being dipped (while dancing) is more romantic than a civil wedding. I attended my first civil wedding in the United States tonight and there was no dancing, no dipping, only a mixture of pastel mints, cashews, peanuts, and apple cider mixed with lemon lime Shasta. But it was a fun ride with M. to Newport (Google it sometime--I'm not even sure if that town would make it on Google radar).

And today was SUNNY and I got to play outside all day and it was the best. And I put my hammock up!

Also, my cousin Becky and her family live in Spokane now and it's so fun being called "Aunt Rachel" by the cutest little girls in the world.

Letting go

2010-05-28T15:58:00.001-07:00

Letting go is hard to do.

my unborn children

2010-05-27T13:37:00.001-07:00

I sometimes think about my unborn children. Am I the only one? Probably if you're reading this blog you have your own children, as most of my friends do. I know what I should be thinking of first, the part about the guy who I marry before the little ones come, and don't be fooled (none of you are), I think of that sometimes too. But I do think of those little souls and wonder if they're watching me ever? I wonder if they know I think of them? The thing is, these people who are or will be my children, exist, not in the form of flesh and blood (unless I adopt, you never know), but they are souls, waiting, maybe watching. Also, three of my favorite things are kids, dogs, and beaches, and for that reason and many others I chose this picture for this post.

beds are important

2010-05-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

I am so bleary eyed right now and I don't know why I feel compelled to write this after I had the most stressful oral exam of my life first thing in the morning (I passed!!), then worked until 8 pm, came home and wrote a six paged paper (that I just finished). But I am writing anyway. I got home to this:

Notice the carpet markings of where a bed should be and isn't. Also note the bedding and pillows strewn about. My roommate was letting me borrow her bed and now she is moving in a week and had to put her bed in storage today for some reason. Don't worry, I have a new roommate moving in who is letting me use her bed (thanks, M.). I wasn't mad at all or upset, it was just funny to walk into my room and not have a bed in there. Luckily my friend (thanks G.) was over and he happened to have a blow up mattress in his car, so now I have that. I am lucky to have such great friends.

Preparation

2010-05-22T11:02:00.001-07:00

I have my Orals on Monday morning, which means I'm preparing by drinking an avocado shake, listening to every single Beatles song ever written, cleaning my room, cleaning the bathroom, thinking about painting my dresser, lighting my satsuma candle, folding laundry, and writing this blog. Wish me luck!! I need to defend well so I can graduate and keep the job I already secured!

Can't live life how I play Scrabble!

2010-05-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

In church on Sunday we had a guest speaker from the stake come and talk to us about decision making. I kind of feel like I'm past most major decisions in my life. I am almost done with school, I have a job...I suppose I haven't made ALL of my most important decisions, but I've made the ones that I have control over for the time being. Anyway, he likened Scrabble to life. If you know me, you know I LOVE Scrabble and I've come to be quite good at it. He said that he has been playing Scrabble lately and realized that in order to win at Scrabble, you had to play defensively and think ahead so as not to set up your opponents for good things. I never thought of it that way, and I usually have a hard time explaining to people how to win at Scrabble. Usually people think that spelling hard words is how to play, but if you are good at Scrabble, you know that is not true at all. Anyway, he said that is no way to live life. And I had a fearful moment. I was expecting him to say something about how that was an excellent way to live life, but I can see his point. Now I am re-evaluating how I live my life. Am I living defensively? Should I focus more on making beautiful long words instead of trying to prevent people from scoring on the triple word score? So I shouldn't live on the defense, thinking three steps ahead?

Also, I realized that I want to write all the time but I don't because I want to spare my readers. Well I decided that's silly and probably people don't read this much anyway and I have a lot to write sometimes, so reader, read what you will, and if you won't, that's ok because I'll still write.

Girl's Camp!!

2010-05-14T18:13:00.001-07:00

Who got to go to a girl's camp kick off and sing "I Like Mormon Boy's" to the music of "I Like Big Butt's" this week? ME!!! I get to be in charge of the 2nd years (basically the 13/14 year-old's) for this summer's stake girl's camp!!. The other day we had a little get to know you activity with the girls, sang some songs, did a little skit, and ate popsicles. When I was of the age to be a girl's camp attender, I LOVED it and crashed any and every ward/stake girl's camp I possibly could. Most summers of my youth my family moved wards and somehow I was able to go to an average of three ward's girl's camps. I was at camp for one month straight usually and I loved every minute of it. All my other camping experiences have never measured up. Whenever people suggest we go camping, I go, eagerly anticipating...something...that never happens because it can only happen at girl's camp! And after an 11 year absence, I'm back in the game! I am ready! I have about 10 one piece swimming suits, sleeping gear, sunscreen, journals, camp songs, Chacos, and no boyfriend! I'm totally prepared for girl's camp!!

Incarcerated

2010-05-11T11:11:00.001-07:00

First off, I LOVE that I'm slightly sore from volleyball last night. SO FUN! I DON'T love that my favorite client is in jail with a bail of $50,000!!! Times like these I wish I was a lawyer! But I am working with his lawyer and I'm going to do all in my power to advocate for this guy. His charges are burglary, possession, and trespassing. I think drugs are involved, but I'm not sure. I thought he was clean? I don't know. I'm having a hard time believing whatever he did was that bad. I wish I could talk to him. I bet he is beside himself in his little jail cell in some random town in Idaho.

Mom

2010-05-09T16:59:00.001-07:00

I love my mom. I thought I'd made a tribute and count some of the top reasons I love and am grateful for her.

I love my mom because:

She NEVER hesitated to me teach me. (I remember waiting in line at the grocery store when I was 4 and she told me to never look at the "bad" magazines while waiting in line, but to "just look straight ahead." :) I think I still do that.)

She always reminded me that anything was possible, and she helped me make it possible. (Somehow she got me into girls' camp when I was 11 and we weren't allowed to go until 12.)

She taught me to be kind to people who others aren't always kind to.

She arranged for me to take piano lessons which really came in handy on my mission and now for me to play as a means of expression.

She taught me how to sing and of the importance of music.

She taught me to laugh at myself (I still remember her cutting my bangs when I was in 3rd grade. I have never seen her laugh that hard, and even though it was the worst haircut of my life, it was pretty funny and I knew I was loved no matter what I looked like).

She taught me the joy of reading. I still remember climbing into my parents' water bed on Saturday mornings when she would read Nancy Drew novels to me and Ben.

She taught me the importance of the Gospel. She and my dad always brought me and Ben huge "temple cookies" when they attended the Washington D.C. temple when we were little.

She instilled confidence in me. "You can do this," was her theme for my entire life and I'm eternally grateful.

She loves the Lord, her family, and me.

By her example, I learned how to live a full life. My mom is always up and doing, serving everyone around her and using her talents in the process.

Selena

2010-05-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

The following song was my favorite for a few months during 8th grade...to the point where I missed the yellow school bus one day because it came on the radio and I had to finish listening to it. I only had to walk a mile.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAufRfxKqtU

And this song still strikes a chord with me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jK7ojVSCxII&feature=related

staring contest

2010-04-28T22:10:00.000-07:00

I'm in a mental health practice class, as I have previously mentioned, and I'm learning the COOLEST stuff. I have recently discovered ACT--Acceptance Commitment Therapy, which has changed the way I do therapy forever. It basically teaches that instead of trying to help the client change their thoughts, you work with them to accept their thoughts and feelings and to focus on their behavior. So no matter if they are feeling depressed, anxious, etc, they will DO the things necessary to LIVE WELL, in accordance to what's important to them and to what really matters.

Anyway, so in class we have had to do some exercises to get us used to sitting in our pain and just accepting it. We are human. Pain and discomfort is a part of that. No one can feel good all of the time. Isn't that beautiful?! Oh, I just love it. But the exercises really are uncomfortable. For example, last night in my class, we did a meditation exercise geared to provoke an uncomfortable feeling and to my surprise, I began to cry! Afterward when we all opened our eyes and I looked around, I noticed that about 10 other people in our class of 30 were wiping their eyes also. THEN the teacher told us to find a partner so we could do another "fun" exercise. He then thought twice and decided to pair us up himself. Who ended up odd ball out when he finished his pairing? Me. All alone. He said, "Rachel, you're with me." Ok, weird, but whatever, I thought. Mind you, this man, my teacher, is also going to be my first chair in my oral examination, only the final and most important part of my master's degree. I will present and defend my final competency statement (comparable to a master's thesis) and he will ask me questions and ultimately decide if I may pass this test and consequentially walk at graduation on June 11th.

Then he explained what exercise we would be doing--standing two feet away from each other, staring into each others eyes. No talking, no looking away. "Have fun," the guy sitting next to me said with a smirk as I walked to the front of the room where Dr. B, my teacher, directed me. Hopefully he never reads this, I mean, he's married and all, and this is nothing more than an observation, but he's pretty dang good looking. So I spent three minutes just two feet away from my orals chair and professor, staring at him, and him at me. Awkward? Yes. I haven't been in that kind of proximity to someone for such a long time, so close, making eye contact since the last guy I kissed.

Jana

2010-04-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

This weekend my dear friend Jana is going to be wed (I'm flying to Utah just for the occasion) and I am so happy for her! She is so special and she has taught me so much--she has been there for me when I was crazy and we never tire of things to talk about. I thank her for her consistency, kindness, cheerfulness, and support. She is a gem. Anyway, in her honor, there is a song she learned once for an old boyfriend of hers and it's my favorite. It's perfect because her soon to be husband served a mission in Brazil so if she ever decided to play it for him, he would understand it! I had a goal once of learning it on the guitar. Haven't realized that goal yet, but one day...

You learn a lot about a culture by listening to their music. Meet Brazil:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwF9G3-XhBc

Here is my (rough) translation of the lyrics in English:

This is how I am without you:
A plane without wings, a bonfire without ashes
This is how I am without you
Soccer without a ball, Tweety without Silvester
This is how I am without you

Why does it have to be like this?
If my desire has no end
I want you every moment
Not even a thousand loudspeakers
Could speak for me

Love without little kisses
Buchecha without Claudinho
This is how I am without you
A circus without clown, commitment without making out
This is how I am without you
I'm crazy to see you arrive
I'm crazy to have you in my hands
To lay in your embrace, take back the part
That is missing in my heart

I do not exist far from you
And loneliness is my worst punishment
I count the hours to see you
But the clock won't work with me. Why?

A baby without a pacifier, Romeo without Juliet
This is how I am without you
A car without a roadway, cheese without "goiabada"
This is how I am without you

Why does it have to be like this?
If my desire has no end?
I want you every moment
Not even a thousand loudspeakers
Could speak for me

I do not exist far from you
And loneliness is my worst punishment
I count the hours to see you
But the clock won't work with me. Why?

mad, sad, glad.

2010-04-22T15:34:00.001-07:00

I knew this would happen--don't know why I thought I could make a list of things that would probably never change--things always change!! Or maybe I could have made a list of two or three things rather than 20. Anyway, what changed was #7 from my list--I no longer wish I could control my emotions. I have been learning about a therapy called Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy and one of the aspects it teaches is to accept emotions and thoughts rather than trying to change them and to focus on what we do primarily. I realized that I wouldn't want to control my emotions because, though sometimes pain I feel seems unbearable, the joy I also feel exceeds that of which I could have created or controlled with my own abilities. So. I am grateful for my sometimes labile emotions because it is an experience and I'm learning. I know it is important to watch our thoughts as well, though they are much harder to change than our actions. Something I read recently concerning this therapy technique is that we, as humans, are like the sky and our thoughts and feelings are like the clouds that float across. The clouds are part of the sky, but separate still. Anyway, I'm still in the thinking process here but wanted to share!

Also, my friend convinced me to go to Moscow, Idaho tonight to go dancing. We won't get back until 2 am, but I don't have to wake up until 8, so it should work out, right?

The Book of Joe and Arcade Fire

2010-04-16T20:27:00.000-07:00

Carly spent the first half hour of homeroom every morning scribbling copiously in a worn leather-bound journal. She was terribly concerned with the general transience of things and the imperfect, random nature of memory. It was the one compulsion in her otherwise laid-back disposition, this notion that particular feelings and thoughts could be irretrievably lost to the vagaries of time and distance. "This is the age when we're the purest forms of ourselves we'll ever be. We haven't been complicated by everything yet. I want to keep a clear record of who I am, so that down the road I'll be able to see who I was. Maybe I can avoid losing myself completely...If I get lost, this journal will be like a record of who I was, a trail of bread crumbs to find my way back."
"In that case, could you keep track of me in there too? It would be nice to know there's someone looking out for me if I ever get lost."
"But what if we're not together anymore?" she asked, ever the practical one.
"Then it will mean at least one of us is lost. Just get me a copy of that journal, and it will lead me right back to you."

-The Book of Joe by Jonathan Tropper

What am I doing tonight? Reading this book, reminiscing, eating chocolate covered macadamia nuts (I think I've probably consumed at least 1,000 calories in chocolate today), and then going to a church dance.

Also, you never know when you're going to fall in love. Today at work, for example, I was listening to Accuradio because my Pandora ran out (they only allow 40 hours of free music a month, can you believe it??), and Neighborhood #1 by The Arcade Fire came on and I thought, "Hm, I really like this and that artist sounds vaguely familiar." So I checked my Ipod and sure enough, I have several of their albums on there, just sitting in my purse, waiting for me to plug in and enjoy. So this pleasantry has rewarded me ever since. I drove home to Arcade Fire, made dinner to Arcade Fire, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher to Arcade Fire, (turned it off to read) and am now blogging to Arcade Fire. How I relish in fresh love! So many discoveries and memories to make! I swoon! I swoon!

Saying "I'm sorry" is crap

2010-04-14T23:26:00.000-07:00

Apologies, to me, are futile. Saying, "I'm sorry," what does that even mean without action? Words without action are meaningless. Just change.

20 things that probably will never change

2010-04-07T23:17:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the idea, Ali.

20 things about me that will (probably) never change

I will probably always:

1. Follow Jesus Christ and His Gospel.
2. Love to dance.
3. Keep a journal. (I mean, I started in 5th grade. A habit that has lasted me 17 years will probably never change).
4. Love warm, homemade chocolate chip cookies.
5. Adore live music.
6. Love reading.
7. Wish I had more control over my emotions.
8. Have constant music running in my head. I recently learned this was not normal or shared by most people.
9. Day dream while in class of the man of my dreams showing up to my class, kissing me in front of everyone, and then picking me up and take me out of class to go dancing. I daydream this in every class I’m ever in. The daydream is the same, the guy is ever changing.
10. Pray every night before bed and whenever I’m on a walk or driving.
11. Shave my legs on Sundays.
12. Love milk.
13. Appreciate funny people.
14. Love to kiss.
15. Hate the hymns having to do with sunshine, or the really long ones that are supposed to be fast, but always go really slow and are really high so your voice hurts by the time it’s all over and you wish you had just gone to the bathroom instead of sticking it out and singing.

And I will probably never again:

16. Date someone who is not REALLY into me.
17. Dye my hair blond.
18. Go back to school.
19. Neglect to change my oil.
20. Fake stalk someone.

What things will you never change?

Epiphany

2010-04-06T23:08:00.001-07:00

Epiphany tonight in my Mental Health class--things (i.e. relationships, classes, missions, jobs, etc) aren't horrible or great, they can be horrible AND great. I don't know why that never clicked with me before. It's ok for something to be really bad AND really good collectively.

AND, I got to go dancing tonight. Oh how I wish I could go dancing every night. And at lunch time. And before work. And all the time.

Anyway, thank you for visiting my blog. Come again soon.

I hate goodbyes.

2010-04-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

This is for E.H.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBZ2mV1GwuQ

False Impressions

2010-04-03T17:42:00.001-07:00

I am a ward missionary. For those who don't know what this is, it basically means I help those boys with the white shirts and ties who ride bikes with helmets teach people about the Gospel of Jesus Christ to those who live nearby.

This has been my most favorite church calling I've ever had! We are teaching a girl who was dating a less active member. She saw a commercial from the church, called to receive the Finding Faith in Christ DVD, and is now getting baptized on April 17th. No one had to twist her arm or convince her with logic--she heard the truth, accepted it, and loved it!

Another guy we are teaching struggles with substance abuse (and I suspect some other mental health issues). I called him the other night to see how he was doing and he was strangely upbeat and enthusiastic (he's usually very stoic and quiet). He said, inbetween long and awkward pauses, "I'm fantastic!"
"Oh really? That's awesome! Why so good?"
He continued, "Oh, just life...and love!"
"Oh did you fall in love?" This is happy news, I'm thinking.
"Yeah."
"What does she think about the church?"
"She doesn't like it! It's really too bad. But...the Mormons...they got it all wrong! They look too much in the future...for the second coming..."
Now I'm wondering if he is on something by the way he is pausing and the intensity of his speech. "What do you mean?" I ask.
"Well...I...am...the Christ. It's me."
"Oh, did you tell the missionaries this?"
"Yeah, they didn't believe me. Do you believe me?"
"Well I don't really have any evidence to support that, so I can't say, but thanks for sharing that with me."
He seems pleased. "Yeah! No problem!"
"Ok, you coming to general conference this weekend?"
"Yeah!"
"Ok, see you there!"

The Elders told me that night that he told them the same story, but that his girlfriend seemed really interested in the gospel so they're going to keep at it.

Switching gears to a different, but slightly similar topic, this morning I went upstairs to get some breakfast in between conference sessions, and my roommate was there with an older couple, who I thought might be her parents. Nope, they were her aunt and uncle. My roommate jogged my memory by reminding me about her cousins I had met last year, who were the sons of this couple. "The two tall boys who dance?" I asked. "Yeah! That would be them!" was their response. Her aunt piped up, "But one of them is on a mission, and the other just got married. So they're not available...to...dance." Wow, ok, I wasn't really thinking about dancing with them. Just trying to place who they were. Then the aunt, uncle, and roommate talked about how they had gone to watch conference at the church building and I asked if they had seen the missionaries there. Again, the aunt spoke and said, "Well, it was dark, and I wasn't really looking for missionaries since I'm older and not really looking at guys that way anymore." WHOA. I didn't really defend myself before, but this comment provoked my tongue. "I'm a ward missionary and the Elders told me they would be there for all sessions. They encouraged me to go and bring a non member if possible." Sheesh! Just met this woman for 2 minutes and she was convinced I was on the prowl!! I didn't have the nerve to tell her I was almost 30 working on my second career.

Mon Cheri

2010-03-29T21:49:00.001-07:00

Last week my friend from work invited me to see a live band perform at a venue downtown, and I said yes because HELLO, live music! I love it. Well. I was NOT disappointed. I actually fell madly in love with the local Spokane band, Mon Cheri. When I walked in, they were doing a cover of "All I Have to Do is Dream" and I literally felt like I had walked into my favorite chick flick during the part where you need to take your coat off in the theater (even though it's 50 degrees in there) because you had such an emotional experience; and you get all flushed and feel like you're about to cry and maybe you do. It was just SO GOOD. I was entranced. I wish I could describe in words how amazing their performance was along with their music. They played and sang with their entire hearts, minds, and bodies. They put their entire selves into it. They did some amazing covers of Beatles songs, Death Cab, and some originals. It was all good. So here is their MySpace Page. They also have a facebook page. But what I really wish is that you could all see them live. I actually went to the down town bus station by myself during lunch to see them perform a few days ago. I sat on the sidewalk where all the smokers were puffing away, and with my hair blowing in the wind, I found a patch of sunlight, took my coat off, and loved it.

http://www.myspace.com/moncheriband

I got a job!

2010-03-23T16:44:00.000-07:00

As of April 1st I will officially be a hired mental health counselor at Family Service Spokane. An opening came to be a few weeks ago so I applied, interviewed, and now I guess I'm going to keep living in Spokane! I will be doing counseling for kids and adults, individuals and couples. Funny how life takes us in directions we would never expect. Well, here's to life!

A Lack of Color

2010-03-21T05:11:00.001-07:00

It's not very often I am unable to repose and set my mind free to the dimension of dreams. It's 5:11 a.m., and here I am, typing on my little Mac laptop as I lay in bed, unable to shut my mind off. I am close to never an insomniac. What do people do when they can't sleep? I checked my facebook because usually I have at least 60 friends online at a time and I was thinking I could at least chat with someone. There were only 5 online--2 friends from high school I don't even remember ever talking with, a former student, someone I don't even know (I know I should delete her as a friend, I know, I know), a dancer friend (we don't talk, we dance). Then I checked my email. Nothing. I can't read for some reason. Help.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jduFDgIr598

and when I see you
I really see you upside down
but my brain knows better
it picks you up and turns you around
turns you around, turns you around

if you feel discouraged
when there's a lack of color here
please don't worry lover
it's really bursting at the seams
from absorbing everything
the spectrums a to z

this is fact not fiction
for the first time in years
and all the girls in every girlie magazine
can't make me feel any less alone
i'm reaching for the phone

to call at 7:03 and on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home
but i know it's too late
and i should have given you a reason to stay
given you a reason to stay

this is fact not fiction
for the first time in years

Just One

2010-03-18T11:36:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sat at the foot of your bed after folding all your laundry and wondered where all your socks went? I seem to lose about four matches per load. So I sit there, confused, and put those lonely socks in my top dresser drawer with the other many lonely socks, none matching. Where did their matches go? Why can’t I find them? Should I just wear them mismatched? Do I buy more?
This is the only way I can describe how I am feeling now. When you lose love, where does it go?

Finally

2010-03-14T21:36:00.000-07:00

Guess what I did this weekend?

Bullets

2010-03-10T22:28:00.001-08:00

Well, tomorrow is my last day of class for the quarter which means I just have one more quarter until I have a Masters in Social Work. In June I graduate.

I have a crush on an 18-year-old.

I am applying for a job. Wish me luck.

I have been waking up on time and doing my hair almost every day. For those who don't know me, this is NOT NORMAL.

I have a new roommate, J. She is a dream and I love sharing my room with her. She says good morning and good night and has an air freshener that smells of Satsuma from the Body Shop.

I dream of dancing and wonder if we will ever reunite again...though it has only been two weeks since our last encounter.

I read. A lot. Just finished Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet about a VERY selfless boy.

And here is a picture I love.

There is No Death

2010-03-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

http://www.thereisnodeath.com/book.htm

So I just finished one of the most AMAZING books I've ever read in my life. It is called There Is No Death, by Sarah Lanelle Menet. I thought about buying a copy for everyone I know, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how it might not affect others the way it did me.

BUT, if you are reading this and you like my blog, maybe that means it could be just as cool for you as it was for me??

It put things in perspective and inspired me to be better--to love more. I'm excited about my new discovery!!!

I LOVE YOU!!

(and thanks to R. for letting me borrow her book.)

I am famous.

2010-02-20T20:57:00.000-08:00

About once a year I check this website to see if my picture is still there. For now, it still is. http://www.byui.edu/WritingCenter/

This was one of my favorite jobs. Funny, it is very similar to the counseling job I have now.

Ghost Town

2010-02-18T21:08:00.000-08:00

I watched a movie called Ghost Town recently--it is not like what it sounds. Not scary. It was funny, but beyond that, it made me remember one of my favorite quotations:

"The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back."
-Abigail Van Buren

I especially like the first part of this quote.

Tonight I went out to help the missionaries teach and I kept wanting to cry, not because I was sad, but because I felt so grateful for the knowledge and testimony I have of Christ and of the purpose of life. Life is good.

I'm going to the ball tomorrow night with an 18-year-old, but he is the best. And I'm excited.

Oh, and I TOTALLY recommend Ghost Town!